I'm Not What I Used to Be

Someday, I'll Fly...

~ Victoria Boyson

I've not been myself lately

or for some time for that matter.

I'm not sure who "myself" is anymore.

I feel like a caterpillar inside the cocoon.

I'm neither a butterfly

nor a caterpillar anymore.

I'm not what I used to be

nor am I what I'm going to be.

I cannot go back to what I was,

or what was familiar to me.

I can't rush forward and be what I have not yet become.

It's a miserable place to be.

It's much like a baby in the womb;

you have to wait it out and stay where you are.

I hope every day will bring the end;

I know God is almost done working.

I rejoice because the end is near,

but still the pain increases.

It's become too easy to not be anything, just a cocoon.

I want to give up, but You won't let me.

I'm not the caterpillar I used to be

and I'm not the butterfly I know I am becoming.

Becoming a butterfly is scary, painful and exhausting.

I guess I don't want to remain a nothing,

so I'll endure the torturous path out of this cocoon.

And I know, someday, I'll fly!

This poem was shared in the ElijahList newsletter. The article is entitled 'He Has You Hidden for a Purpose - You Are His Secret Weapon!' I know it will be an encouragement to you!

This poem, 'Someday, I'll Fly...' is such an accurate description to how I have been feeling lately (for quite some time actually)...and I am still waiting.

Still waiting for breakthrough...
Still waiting for the VICTORY!

I don't feel as invisible to God these days, but I have been going through some major moulding and shaping that has drawn me even closer to my Father's heart. I am beginning to realize that He has a much BIGGER PURPOSE for me, than I ever imagined (or could imagine)!

I sense that He is preparing me for something absolutely incredible. But, I also understand that I am in a time of preparation, a time for killing the deisres of my flesh (and boy, does it hurt!), a time of realizing greater intimacy with my Savior.

So, in the meantime...I choose to wait...because I long to be more like Him.

"I'm neither a butterfly nor a caterpillar anymore.
I'm not what I used to be
nor am I what I'm going to be.
I cannot go back to what I was,
or what was familiar to me.
I can't rush forward
and be what I have not yet become."

Waiting...
Resting...
Believing...
Hoping...
Anticipating the day that I will fly!